Stellar Life

Geez, It's almost a year since I posted... not that you have been searching for me... but at any rate, I've finally figured out how to access my account.

Progress, it's generally a good thing... and everything that could've been retrograde has been. Like my life.

So, I'm back. Just in case you were checking.

Cheers,
K

I frequently find myself at every new year, madly trying to reclaim my last year's list of what I would accomplish... I usually don't find the damn note, and if it was in my journal, I can't always find that... (do you ever have journals that have dates without the year). At any rate, as I move through the years I realized that I've accomplished quite a lot.

The end of 2006 brought so much for me. My children (the five in the photo) were away with their father, and I was alone with Sappho the dog, and Persephone the "kitty" for a few days. ( My partner was visiting his family in the mid-west.) I was working a lot, as I have been for months now, as my blog posts indicate... they are few and far between... but as things settled I took the time to reflect on life, and in particular - my life.

I've done a lot. I'm still doing it. I've accomplished so much, but they are the kinds of things that aren't noteworthy, or amazing - unless you are the one whose done them.

I've stayed up all night for many, many nights for reasons other than partying...
I've spent hours of my life swimming back in forth in a swimming pool...
I've planted years of seeds in my garden, and eaten the fruit of those seeds a few months later...
I've lost several friends through no negative action of my own...
I've changed thousands of diapers, and then washed them...
I've picked avocados from my tree, and put them in a paper bag so they would ripen...
I've watched the sun set all the way until the green flash happened...
I've made love to the same man for 10 years and still find it beyond delicious and exciting...
I've danced on my toes, really ON MY TOES, until I found the drums which sent me into my hips...
I've worn an LBD (little black dress) and felt really beautiful for several hours in that thing...
I've gained and lost 345 lbs in my life, so far... consciously
I've started three books and haven't finished one of them yet...
I've had my heart broken several times, and the glue that put it back together was courage...
I've given birth at home to my babies, and always thought "you idiot, this really hurts" each time labor began...
I've been given the opportunity to raise 5 children, and they have been my very best teachers (when I listened to them)...
I've been a vegan, a raw foody, a macro-biotic, a flexitarian, a vegetarian and I've dabbled in dairy, turkey, bacon and chicken... and I have lived to tell the tale...
I've had a son, who I didn't birth but got to love even after he wasn't my son any more...
I've learned to appreciate more than fear....
I've shaved my armpits, and I haven't (for years) and either way is fine...
I've cried for other people's pain as well as my own, with the same passion...
I've laughed really hard at the dinner table when someone farted... (I've also laughed in my yoga class when someone farted, but somehow no one else thinks it's as funny as I do in there)...
I've lived on the east coast, the west coast and even in the middle of the country and I still love the mountains better than anywhere else...
I've been glad to be alive more than I haven't...

It's remarkable to me that I'm accomplishing so much. And it's cool that it isn't going to change the world - I think I'll leave that to others. In the meantime - you know, before the world changes - I'll keep accomplishing my life, and appreciate who I am.

Here's to your very best "right now" in 2007!

blessings
The Queen

I can't recall when I posted last, and I don't suppose it matters all that much to recall. If you were visiting and found how neglectful I have been, I apologize. I feel compelled to write today, as today has been a tough day...

We all have them... sucky days. They creep up on us with no apparent warning and even if you are bipping along, feeling appreciation and cheer - you can still succumb to outside influence that sends your vibration south.

I woke up to a very negative email from a client, and given that I am committed to my clients, it feels awful to know that I haven't hit the mark with someone. Yes, some clients may be difficult or challenging, but I still care. Even with my best intentions to show up and produce results, the difficulty of coaching is I can't do it for my clients, they have to. I'm also aware of how easy it is for a client to make an assessment of what I'm saying that isn't accurate, and internalize it so that they feel attacked. Ugh!

Being professional doesn't mean that I can sidestep being human. As much as I want to add value, I'm also focused on "doing no harm". Regardless of extensive training, I'm up against the huge reality that I struggle, just like the people I work for.

Next post will be positive, I'm sure - as things always work out for me.
Blessings,
The Queen

Over the past 7 years, I have been a student of Abraham. Many seem to have heard about them due to a recent movie called "The Secret". In much of my writing, and working with clients over the years, their message is present. The most meaningful of their teachings is - to me - being aware of how we get what we get.

For most of my life, I struggled with how to get everything that I wanted and often managed to get a lot of what I didn't want. I didn't understand how it worked, I just knew (I became a Buddhist when I was a teenager and learned about cause and effect, then) that I was responsible for my life. Even with that knowledge, I still persisted in what I call, "victim mentality" in strange ways. It was like I believed that I was the creator of my own reality, "but not in THIS situation." That thinking was what kept me in places that didn't work, and over these past years, I've slowly begun to shift, enough so that I see major changes in my life's results.

I have begun to trust my inner being's guidance through my feelings. If it feels good, I'm on the right track. If it doesn't feel good, I've veered off my path. Simple.

This is how I coach my clients, and live my life.

Until soon,
The Queen

What exactly does "Go With The Flow" mean? Like how do you do that when everything feels really overwhelming, and isn't it a bit ignorant to just go along with everything, I mean... doesn't that make you a weakling and a push-over?

I don't think so.

Have you ever tried to go against the current of fast moving water? It's damn near impossible, and most of the time, under those circumstances you'll just go with it. Yet, with our lives, we tend to get all involved with forcing things to go the way that we think is best. Additionally, it's quite noble to work really hard and get rewarded with pats on the back, and maybe even a trophy, for our difficulties. Going with the flow means that we are focused on the ride that life gives us, and it truly developes faith in our lives, and ourselves.

I'm not saying that we ought to just kick back and "tolerate" bad things. Rather, I'm suggesting a relaxing, and softer approach to life. An approach that offers room for mistakes and problems, but isn't focused on struggle and difficulty inspiring action.

When you relax into what the flow of your life is offering, the difficulties actually lighten up. Give it a try!

Happy Long Weekend... and funny how I can never separate Labor Day with actual birthing labor. I delivered two of my kids right around this time of year, and it is always synonomous with birth in my pea brain.

Much love,
The Queen

This is a photo of one of my most cherished friends, Jerry Montgomery. We met at Peet's Coffee Shop. I have a shameless addiction to coffee, and I'm not shy about my love for this particular addiction, as it's brought me countless hours of connection with friends, and my dear lover Rob, as well. I'll wake up early (5 am ish) to see Rob off to his early morning training sessions some mornings, just to share in the conversation over a cup of coffee with him.

Jerry was standing in line in front of me at Peet's and had ordered a TRIPLE latte, with soy! I was impressed, and although I was still wearing something like pajamas, with UGG boots on my feet, and my hair - in it's crazy morning "everywhere" sort of look - flying everywhere, I intruded on his space with a animated question about his choice of fare. Pretty bold, and I had no idea how fortuitous this lack of respect for personal space would ultimately be.

That event was right around 9/11, before I started my company, before my children had begun to leave home... before I really understood a lot of things, especially the value of trusting my intuition ALL THE TIME. Meeting Jerry was one of those events that act as a marker, something that defines a new era in one's life.

Over the years, Jerry has been shoulder to cry on, my ally in everything, a champion for my children and a dear friend to my partner as well. (Rob is now Jerry's personal trainer, and Jerry is looking really good as a result!) He has offered me a male perspective on all things of interest, I generally don't have a clear understanding to bank on when considering how a man would think. Jerry is the one I call on to translate for me. Jerry is my friend.

He has a son, Zachary... a little boy of 4 who is the love of Jerry's life. Every other weekend, Jerry travels to see his boy (Zachary's mom, Paula lives is Seattle) or flys him up to the Cruz to be with him. They often come to have a bar-b-que with us, and Zachary fills us all with giggles with his profound connection to joy. I knew Jerry before Zachary's arrival, and have been with him through all these wonderful events that life offers friends.

Jerry gave me a ride back from my mechanic's the other day, and we shared a (here it is again) cup of Peet's coffee together while perched on a bench right next to the Pacific Ocean. We chatted for a long time, caught up on each other's lives, and shared in the joy of what our friendship gives us. Perspective. Trust. Honesty. And that wonderful gift of laughter.

Jerry is my friend.

I hope you have a friend in your life - cherish it. It is a gift!
Much love,
The Queen.

In my previous posts, you've met my oldest 4 children. Now, I want to share about my youngest two. Hannah and Tyler. They are 18 and 14 respectively, and they have both added a certain amount of mischief to my life. Unlike the previous 4 children, these two came to parents who were somewhat experienced. As their mother, I didn't have any of the fear or anxiety I held with the older kids.... how to tend them, provide for them, support when they were very small. Hannah spent more


This is Ty...

time as the "baby" than her older siblings, and was none too pleased when Tyler was born. She was almost five when Ty was born, and I was pretty much in bed for the better part of a month after his birth due to complications. I spent the days laying around with Tyler, watching him come into his little body and Hannah would spend much of the day laying around with us. She was sweet and loving with him, albeit distant to a degree.... One day, she was snuggled up next to him, stroking his little head and she looked into my eyes and asked, "Mommy, I like this baby, but when is he leaving?"


and this is Hannah....

I made every effort to stay focused and not laugh, as I could tell this was one of those important moments in her life. I said very simply that he was her brother, like Asher and Qadir, and that he would be staying until he wanted to go.

That didn't go over so well. She stormed out of the room, and didn't spend much time with us for the rest of the afternoon. I knew that she was terribly upset, but even then, she had a way of sorting things out given a bit of room to do that.

Time marched on, and they have become dear friends with a touch of intensity underlying their interations. Hannah was always meticulous and very funny, which is a very strange combination. On the one hand, she is careful and exacting - while on the other, she is very silly and laughs at absolutely nothing. Hannah is very loving and gentle, she is smart and picks up new things quickly and easily. A natural athlete, Hannah hasn't focused on sports, per se, but she sure can dance! Presently, she is going to school for fashion design in San Francisco. She lives by herself in Oakland in a sweet little apartment, and takes the Bart to school everyday and works on her homework for the better part of the night.

Hannah was the first of my children that I got to lavish the most attention on while she was very young. With no other baby for so many years, we were joined at the hip. She showed me how to be aware in the moment as she was always focused on what she was surrounded by and made sure that I joined her in her view of the flowers, and birds and things that were everywhere in her environment.

Tyler's arrival changed that a bit, and I always wondered if she was upset with me about it. She doesn't quite recall, and it doesn't really matter, but my connection with her is completely viseral and complete.

Tyler was born to an older woman, someone who had started to wonder if things were really working for her. At 32, I felt much more exhausted then I had with the previous 4, and it took a while to recover - even after I was healed up from the actual birth. My connection with Tyler was strong, as with all my children, and as the youngest of my brood, he probably recieved the most attention being the "baby" of the family. He slept with me throughout his childhood, and wanted my physical presence around, not always to lean into, but to just be there. Given that, I didn't work outside of my home and remained available for him. Although it may have been financially prudent to "get a job", my committment was to my family. I felt that money was important, but not more important than his development. Possibly, if he had been a different kind of child, I would have pursued a career differently - but he wasn't. In all honesty, I can't imagine being anywhere else then close to my kids - especially for those young years.

I haven't missed anything. All the bumps, bruises, school plays and recitals, sporting events, long soccer weekends, and very long nights with a bunch of pre-teens sleeping over. Those little moments, "Hey, Mom! Whacha doin', I'm going to the park with my friends... see you soon." that I know offered some stability for my children - even though my only requirement was to respond to the back of their heads as they raced back out the door. The stability of my presence..... "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere... at least not right now... so grow and thrive, and I will witness it."

Mothering isn't about distilling wisdom, given out long missives about what's right or wrong, offering advice, or even about making dinner every night. Mothering is about understanding my place is in the center of the family, and not being the center of attention but the center of example. The kids don't listen to us, they watch us. My children gave me the gift of their presence and I was required to show up and set an example of authenticity and honesty.

I think I did o.k. My children are an amazing group of people, who are all very different from the other. No one is like the other, and none of them are really like me... they possess themselves, and my presence may have merely given them permission to do that.

Much love,
The Queen

About Me

Name: Kyle King

Location: California, United States

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